Baby Jeremy Celentano

2005-10-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

Born Aug 14, 2004

Died Oct 18, 2005

I didn’t think my heart could hurt anymore than it has for the past few days. I thought this has and will be the worst tragedy my family will ever have to deal with. But to wake up and start reading the articles on our son’s death and read all the misinformation surrounding Jeremy’s life is unbearable. Jeremy was not in foster homes. He was placed in my home at five weeks old and was here until the transfer of custody to his father 12 months later. We are his foster family, we are his forever family. He had a mom, dad, sister, brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts and many others who adored him. From the day he arrived he brought constant joy and fulfillment to our family. He was the sweetest, happiest baby we have ever had. His temperament was easy-going and mild mannered. He rarely fussed or cried. There is not a day that went by that he didn’t bring a smile to someone’s face. Besides all of his family, there were all of you who don’t think you know him but you do. He was the baby in the supermarket who was so physically beautiful, you just had to stop and talked to him. His smile engaged you and you stopped again in the next aisle. You saw him at the doctor’s office and commented what a beautiful baby. He made you smile on line at the bank. Everywhere he went, he pulled you in and you just had to talk to him. This was his life. Full of family get togethers, holiday celebrations, birthday parties and weekend trips. He has neighbors who watched him grow and thrive into this wonderful little boy. He had a caregiver who adored him as much as we did. He had a doctor who helped get him through some serious respiratory illnesses. He, in simple words, had a life full of love and nurturing. He returned that love tenfold.

I won’t go into all the details of his year with the Division. It would take to long. But I can assure you this was a case where from beginning to end we all did the very best to have a positive outcome for Jeremy’s life. Many, many services were offered and put in place for both parents. Caseworkers were diligent with finding programs for mom. They came every time they were supposed to. It became obvious mom was not going to be able to care for Jeremy. Dad stepped up when he was about six months old and claimed he wanted his son. The division then began working with him. I was also working with him on a very personal level. He had a steady job and a home to provide. Our obvious concern was that he was a young single man and with working full time, raising a child would be stressful. We had many discussions regarding this issue. He spent 3-4 months getting to know Jeremy. He started with hourly, weekly visits in which we had conversations about what it takes to raise a baby. We discussed what might seem second nature to us as moms, but seem so foreign to dads. Basic safety in the home, changing diapers, feedings and any other things I could think of.

He eventually had overnights and then weekends until finally the transfer on August 16th. He had his mom to help and she often did. The division paid for daycare. He had a nurse come into the home to go over some medical issues. He was trained in CPR. He never stopped telling me how we could stay in Jeremy’s life. He seemed grateful that we had been there and was more than willing to allow us to continue to see Jeremy. I offered my services anytime he needed them. Knowing how things could get stressful, I offered to take him weekends and/or overnight. He also knew from day one that we would keep Jeremy if he felt he couldn’t do this. I promised him I would allow liberal visitation if he stayed with us. We would have adopted him in a heartbeat. Here, though, we finally had a chance to make foster care work. We have fostered for over 15 years and not one baby ever went back to a parent. This was our first opportunity to see that foster care can work as it is supposed to, with re-unification to a parent. We had already adopted four children. Our intentions as foster parents were never to take children from their parents, it was to help and support them while they worked out their difficulties. We also have four biological children who have been instrumental in helping to raise the children. Unfortunately, the statistics are not great for drug-addicted moms to get there lives together.

In my opinion, Darren has no excuse. He had ample opportunity to ask for help. He never once said it was too difficult. I talked to him the first few weeks on a regular basis. He even said it was easier than he thought it would be. He would tell me how happy Jeremy was. When he first left, the pain was torturous. But slowly, with knowing how things were going, we started to accept that this was going to be OK. The children kept asking about him. We would tell them he was doing well.
To think that none of this was true is too painful to accept. To think Jeremy was unhappy in his last few weeks is heart wrenching. I have to try to come to terms with how this could have happened and I just can’t. I think the hardest thing to accept is there were no red flags. And if that is the case, how can I or anybody for that matter, ever place a baby somewhere and think its going to be OK.

I know in my heart, we gave Jeremy everything he needed and wanted. But what he gave back is what made us so happy. Now, in order for me and my family to stay healthy and sane, we need to bring Jeremy home. I have to know he will be OK. He deserves to be remembered as the beautiful, happy, loving baby that he was and not the baby that is being described in the paper. I will not allow Darren to portray Jeremy as a demanding, crying, and sick infant so that he might get some sympathy. I have never held hate for anyone and I won’t for Darren. But he needs to step up, take responsibility for his insane actions and maybe someday explain to me how he didn’t just pick up the phone.

For all of you who aren’t’ personally involved in this, read this and feel the pain. Know that the world is missing out on what Jeremy could have become, or how many lives he would have touched. Don’t let his violent death be the last thing he is remembered for. Make a contribution to a charity in his name. Do something for an underprivileged family. Help a single mother make things easier and remember you are doing it for Jeremy. Become a foster parent. Above all, love your children and keep them safe.

Jeremy, we would have loved you forever. You will always be in our hearts and we will never forget our little peanut. God Bless You Baby. Mommy & Daddy Murphy

Email: jojomurphy10@optonline.net